You’ve heard it before, people fear what they don’t understand. You’ve heard it before, fear is false evidence appearing real. You’ve heard it before, there is nothing to fear, but fear itself. You’ve heard all there is to say on dismissing fears. What about the next step? What about moving beyond fears without sweeping them under the rug? Shouldn’t we acknowledge our fears and heed the sage reminder that “bravery is being afraid and doing it anyway”? (I’m not sure to whom I should credit that last quote. Let’s just assume that Frederick Douglass said it, why not.)
This week’s post is part 2 of 4 regarding my personal commitments to be a better human that are tattooed on my arm. (Read last week’s post at the link below.)
Develop my mind and share my knowledge. Face my fears and conquer them. Extend my hand in friendship and fairness. Master my body and control my actions.
In order to face my fears, I’ve always found it important to dismantle them. I ask myself why I’m afraid of something and I try to trace it back to some watershed event in my childhood. For instance, I used to be afraid of drowning. Specifically, I was afraid of being in deep water and being unable to gain control and save myself. That fear was easy to trace back to childhood. One of my earliest memories was when I almost drowned. Even typing that sentence makes me laugh now, I’m being melodramatic. “I almost drowned when I was a kid.” sounds like one of those embellished empathy-magnet stories. Here’s the truth: My big brother was pulling me on an inflatable raft. He wasn’t paying attention and it rolled. In an instant, I was underwater. In that moment, I don’t remember freaking out or any fear at all. I remember peace and comfort. I remember looking up at the sun as I sank to the bottom. I remember a hand reaching in and pulling me back to breathable air. Over the years, that hand has belonged to my mother or father depending on how I remembered the story that day. So, when I took the time to face my fear of drowning, I had to look back and really break all of that down. Why should I fear a story, with hazy details, 30+ years after the fact? I shouldn’t. So, I stopped being afraid of drowning. Overcoming deep water took a few more steps.
Before moving on to the action item of the challenge, to conquer, I chose to flip one assumption on its ear. If we fear what we don’t understand, doesn’t it make sense to educate ourselves on the subject of our fear? [Brace yourselves! I’ll be using words from a site that I love, The Phobia List. You should check it out some time.] If your child is achluophobic, you can give them a quick education of what’s there when the lights switch off with a flashlight. If you happened to be coulrophobic, you can educate yourself on the history of clowns to understand that which you fear. Even though I was once afraid of drowning, I was never hydrophobic. I’ve always loved the feeling of being under water. Like I said, when I almost *eye roll* drowned, I felt calm during the entire experience. Whenever I get the chance to submerge myself under water, I’m all about it. Over the years, I’ve taken the time to understand what the brain and body experience when actually drowning. After educating myself on those gory details, I learned that a similar experience could happen if someone were to torture me with waterboarding. Once I realized that deep water wasn’t the only way that drowning could happen, I started to overcome my fear.
The actual conquering came in when I began taking swimming lessons. I’ve gone through a handful of teachers and swimming classes. I’ve learned a lot about water safety and drownproofing. Michael Phelps even called me up to get some pointers. Okay, that last part was some bullshit. But, my most recent swim coach told me that I have a nice stroke (heh heh). I still have some built-in challenges because of my body composition. While it is true that black people have denser bones, that doesn’t mean that we can’t swim. Dense bones just mean that we have to work a lot harder to stay afloat. Before you shake your head and try to dismiss what I’m saying, take a few anatomy or anthropology classes. My body has high bone density and low body fat. I sink like a cinder block in the water. I passed my last swim class, I have a good stroke, and I’m unafraid of drowning. Mission accomplished, right? Wrong.
Neither facing nor conquering a fear is as simple as checking an item on a to do list. It’s important to me that I get out of my comfort zone in the water on a regular basis. Deciding to conquer a fear means changing my life, not just doing one thing. What’s your fear? It doesn’t have to be a full on phobia, but figure out what you fear and take some steps to make a change.
1.) Figure out why you fear what you fear. After you answer why, ask yourself why again. Probe deeper and trace it all back to some source or event. 2.) Understand your fear. If you’re arachnophobic, learn all that you can about spiders. I mean really become a nerd about it. 3.) Find a perpetual way to conquer your fear. Using the spider example again, walking into a pet shop and petting a tarantula may be a huge step for you. But, how long will that experience last after decades of fearing spiders? The best way to make such a huge life change is by asking for help from people that you trust. Find some people in your sphere of influence who are unafraid of that which you fear. Talk to them about what they love about that which you fear and get a different perspective. Request their help as a sort of sponsor when you encounter your fear and need someone to hear you talk it out. Asking for help is a sign of strength. Strength is a choice.
All bullshit aside, I’m not a fucking therapist and I don’t have some magic wand solution as to how you can or should conquer your fears. I just know what has worked for me and that feels like a logical approach. (Note: Feelings and logic are emotional oil and water.) If you try what I’ve suggested and you get over your Tonitrophobia, great job! I’m glad that I’ve helped in some way. But, no one (not even an Anxiety Coach) can conquer your fears. No matter what tools you’re given, you still must do the work to face and conquer your fears. Only you can prevent a forest fire of fears from burning down your ability to function. I still have fears that I must question, understand, conquer, and embrace. I’ve always challenged myself to be fearless. But, a life without fear is a boring fucking life. I’m excited to find new fears as I keep experiencing all that the world has to offer. Recently, I came to a conclusion and I’ll leave you with this thought. If fear is the foundation of anger, one cannot have a temper while attempting to be fearless.
Until next week… Here are some music playlists for next week’s Cycling classes.
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