When was the last time that you made sweet sweet love? After reading that question you may be wearing a grimace or a smile. I hope that it’s the latter. I grew up hearing the expression (or some variation of) making love. The expression never needed explanation, the context always gave it away. It’s been a long time and many miles since I’ve lived in Detroit and embraced the ubiquitous sounds of Soul, Rhythm, and Blues music. It seemed like every song was requesting or expressing joy for sweet love making. As music changed over the years, singers have used the expression less and less. Now, they just want to fuck and they make no effort to soften their lyrical request with a euphemism. *shakes fist* “These kids today…”
I’ve always found myself concerned with semantics and etymology. So much so that the idea of making love was a stupid concept to me because of my literal and (at times) pedantic mind. It’s challenging to find two people that agree on the definition of love. How can you make something which two people can’t agree on? That sounds like a vegan and a carnivore making dinner together (talk about a comedy of errors). As years have passed and the concept and conversations around love making have become antiquated, I made a conscious decision to bring it back with new purpose. I refer to making sweet love all of the time. I have a t-shirt that reads, “Make. Sweet. Love.”
Recently, a friend expressed her thoughts on the phrase that she found to be cringe-worthy. I explained my tongue-in-cheek take on the phrase and I wanted to share my take with all of you. There are many ways to make love and you don’t have to be naked to make it happen. For all of the optimists reading this, you already know that there’s a lot of love in the world. For all of the self-proclaimed “realists” reading this, you may be missing out on the love around you because you happen to see the shit first. I want to challenge you realists to change your focus by making love. A smile is a display of love. If you’ve ever smiled at a stranger and accepted their smile in return, you’ve made love… with a stranger… in full view of the public eye. Your smile didn’t make them smile, but you were the catalyst for their display of love. Have you ever hugged a friend that really needed that hug? Have you felt a body release tension and breathe a bit easier as you gave a tight squeeze? When a fellow human dismantles their emotional wall due to the simple physical contact of a hug, that’s a display of love. If you’re gifted with enough empathy to recognize when someone needs a hug, check in and ask permission* to land a tight hug and make love.
*It’s worth mentioning… that consent is sexy. When you hug someone, it’s easy to tell through their body language if that person welcomes that hug or not. Instead of allowing an intended display of affection to be misunderstood, try asking first. “May I hug you?” Be prepared for any answer, including an abrupt “no.” Just because you were kind enough to ask doesn’t mean that person owes you a positive response. If anything, be grateful that you asked first, in the event of an abrupt “no.”
“Jet, does that mean that I’m making love to my Aunt Bertha when we hug!?” No. Don’t be a dumbass and don’t make this weird. When you connect with strangers, friends, and lovers in an exchange that generates pleasure, you’re making love. Do you remember that time that your friend was on the verge and your thoughtful hand on their back gave permission to release and cry it out? That’s love and you helped to make it happen. I’ve been an empath for as long as I can remember. In one of my first Bartending jobs, I recall this exchange: Two women sat at a Cocktail table. One of them left for the restroom. The other sat alone and I noticed a specific look in her eyes. Me: Are you okay? She: I’m fine, we don’t need anything else. Me: I wasn’t talking about food or drinks. You look sad, are you okay? She: *tears began streaming down her face* How did you know? Me: I was just checking in. *laid a hand on her shoulder*
I’m grateful for that exchange of love. I’m grateful that I could make it happen. I once saw a young couple on the train and he was so in love with her that he didn’t know what to do with himself. It wasn’t that insecure, possessive type of bullshit that we’re used to seeing. No. This brother was enamored with her. He kept his arm around her and whispered softly as he nuzzled the nape of her neck. His smile never faded and she was glowing with a radiating peace from within. They were making love during the entire train ride and sex had nothing to do with, they were deepening their bond. I’m grateful that I had a chance to witness it.
So, yes, you read it all right. I’m suggesting that you reference making love in the literal sense. Go out and make some love with your fellow human. Special note to the Bros, from Kanye West. “You can still love your man and be manly, dog!” Try hugging without the arm in between. Special note to the conservatives, when no one’s around you’re allowed to feel aroused at the thought of making love and sexy sex.
Arousal is about biology, not mythology. What I mean to say is that we should all, including the conservatives, release/delete the term horny from the modern lexicon. Horny is an informal word that makes reference to horns… as in the Devil’s horns. Yes, every time you refer to yourself as horny, you’re equating sexual arousal to a devilish feeling. There’s nothing devilish about carnal knowledge of self. “The Devil made me do it!” Bullshit. Change your language and challenge yourself to never feel horny again. The next time you feel that special change in your physiology, take a deep breath and acknowledge, with the intonation of gratitude, “I am aroused.” Congratulations, you can still feel. With the same sentiment of gratitude, think about how you’d like to satiate your desires. “I’m aroused and I’d like to [fill in the blank] in order to explore my pleasure.” Remember friends, satiating sex is sexier than sedentary sex. [Say that three times fast!] Get active and work your body on somebody or work your body by yourself. May you never be horny, may you be aware of your body such that you’re often aroused. I hope that you recognize the empowering difference in the latter over the former. Make love happen at home, make love happen around town. The next time someone asks you how you’re doing, tell them, “My love is ubiquitous. How are you?”
Confession: I’m often aroused by the end of a Burlesque show. It’s not due to my four minutes on stage. It’s because I have some damned sexy and very talented friends. Come out and watch us strip and tease for you. Here are some upcoming Burlesque performances.
Friday, 12/11 @ DNA Lounge (Main Stage)
Monday, 12/21 @ DNA Lounge (Upstairs)
Monday, 12/28 @ DNA Lounge (Upstairs)
Thursday, 12/31 @ The Uptown
Friday, 1/8 @ Beatbox
Friday, 1/22 @ Beatbox
Fitness Classes at Studiomix in San Francisco
Mondays: Studio Road Ride @ 5:45PM Tuesdays: TRX Bodyweight Burn @ 7:15PM Wednesdays: Studio Road Ride @ 6:15AM Tabata Cross @ 5:45PM Cross Mix @ 8:00PM Fridays: Studio Road Ride @ 6:15AM Tabata Cross @ 8:30AM
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