Good Morning! I’m writing this week’s post in Seattle. I’m here for the annual BurlyCon event that always challenges me and helps me to grow. This year, I spent a lot of time with People Of Color (POC) within the Burlesque community. As some of you know, I’m also taking an Ethnic Studies class @ Cal State specific to Interracial Sex & Marriage. All of the conversations that I’ve been having lately have highlighted a type of racism to which many people subscribe. Aversive racism is when a person may “profess egalitarian beliefs, and will often deny their racially motivated behavior; nevertheless they change their behavior when dealing with a member of a minority group. The motivation for the change is thought to be implicit or subconscious.” The people that often fall into this category are those that claim to be colorblind. We’ve heard the rhetoric before, “I don’t see color! I don’t see race! I don’t allow it to affect my decision!” While studies have been conducted to prove otherwise, I’m writing to make a request that all who claim to be colorblind get their awareness checked by a Social Justice Optometrist (that’s not a real thing).
My friends and lovers in my life can see color/race. The people in my life can see the challenges that I face, however they don’t define me by those challenges. No one in my life sees me as a victim, but they do empathize with my experience. When I hear a potential friend claim that they don’t see race, I run the other way. We do not live in a post-racial society. Racism is alive and thriving and not just in America. Racism manifests in different ways in different parts of the world. I want people in my life that are aware of the social injustices in the world and not averse to those acts. When I look back on the Civil Rights movement of the ’60s I see Blacks and Whites working together to over come injustice in this land of the free. In marches through Selma, Detroit, Los Angeles, and other places across the US no one was colorblind. Everyone saw race and while some openly expressed their hatred based on race, others openly expressed their compassion and solidarity because of the treatment of other races.
Racism isn’t dead, it’s just wearing a new outfit so it’s easy for the colorblind to miss. I’m writing this as a proclamation to my future friends and lovers. I need you to see my race. I need you to see my color. I need you to treat me like a human being and fight against internalizing any media-driven stereotypes. I need you to do these things for all people of color, not just me. Here’s what that looks like: When you see someone that looks like you and you greet him with a simple, “Hey, howya doin?” Don’t change the way you talk or act around me. Don’t add bass to your voice and say “‘sup” because you think that’s a greeting to which I’ll respond. If you shook his hand, don’t offer me a goddamned fist bump. I need you to see my color and see how your dumb ass is acting around me because it may be uncommon for you. *spoiler alert* “Colorblind people tend to have very few friends that fall into the societal-defined other categories. Maybe that’s why they “don’t see race”, everyone around them matches.
So, here’s the question of the day. If you’re reading this and you’re not a POC, prick up your ears (or adjust those reading glasses) please. Have you ever made a statement priding yourself on not seeing race? If so, please stop. Please stop conditioning your kids to think that race isn’t a factor in this country. Look for some diversity in your friendly sphere of influence. Make the effort to create a strong sense of diversity with your child’s playmates. Here’s a true story from La Jolla, California. I was working in a restaurant and I walked over to a table (not mine) to fill up their water. A little White girl (aged three years-if I had to wager a guess) pointed at me and laughed. “Daddy, that man’s face is black! Hee Hee.” Because she’s a little kid, it didn’t bug me, I actually laughed because… kids. The Dad tried to cover her mouth and shushed her as he looked my way to see if I heard her. I played it off as if I didn’t and I just never went back to the table. The first problem with that incident is that it’s obvious that those people had no one in their life that looked like me. That little girl had not even seen someone with skin as dark as mine. WTF!? The second problem was the Dad’s attempt to sweep it under the rug instead of talking to her in that moment. (Did he wait until later and talk to her at home? I doubt it.)
I want to be your friend. Do you promise to see how I (and others like me) are treated in this society? I’m not saying that you have to do anything about it on a grand scale. But, if your empathy can stop a racist joke from being told (at least in your presence) then that’s a start. If your empathy can feel the frustration that I feel when people cross the street to avoid me (yes, that still happens in 2015), then that’s a start. If you can listen to my challenges with my fellow human, of a different race, and never suggest that I’m playing the mythical race card just because I’m telling you something that you could never imagine experiencing. Promise to see me as a human being. Before I am black, before I am male, I am human first. Don’t claim to be colorblind in hopes for absolution of any guilt by association. See me, hear me, feel me, and support me as your friend with compassion.
In part four of this series, I’ll be writing about how other people’s drama makes it easier to find my friends.