The H-word is all around us. In popular culture, we hear about the “haters” all of the time. Sorry to spoil the end of the movie, but no one actually hates you. The haters that people speak of are akin to ghosts in the memory. “Aw come on Jet! We just playin! This ain’t for real real, this for play play. It’s just something people say!” Have you ever read Orwell’s 1984? The author had a vision of the future wherein hate was required. Don’t take your words lightly, they have power and so do you.
Whenever someone talks about the haters, have you ever asked/wondered to whom exactly they’re referring? Try it. The next time someone talks about (or wears a t-shirt referring to) the haters, ask them who (specifically) hates them. People have gotten so used to using the phrase that they couldn’t even tell you. Today’s proclamation of insecurity is to denounce the hypothetical hater. Every time I hear someone lament on the haters, I hear them boast their own insecurities. If you’re reading this and you’re convinced that any of your accomplishments will be (or has been) fueled by the haters, you know… to make them hate even harder. Take a minute and examine the poison you possess.
If you’re in a position to manage others, you may have studied different sources of motivation for your staff. Which method works better, the carrot or the stick? Do people respond better to positive or negative motivators? Many books have been written on the subject of positive motivators. One thing they all have in common is that none of them list the haters as a positive source of motivation. How do I know for certain? Call it a hunch. Let’s take the diffusion of colloquial slang out of the word hate/hater/hatred. You don’t have to be an optimist to realize that sitting idle and focusing on the hatred that others have for you is toxic. Becoming casual about the hate is a subliminal form of toxicity that serves no one and builds a wall of bitterness within the “hated”.
No matter how you feel about Kanye West, he once said, “We’re all insecure, I’m just the first to admit it.” While he may not have been the first, he did have a point about widespread insecurities. It’s a part of human nature to feel some level of insecurity. It’s important to acknowledge it without celebrating it. There’s nothing wrong with openly stating, “I’m insecure about my _____”. Especially if you follow up that statement with, “Now that I’ve acknowledged that, I’ll focus on my goals that will help me feel secure about my _____. After all, that is the reason that I have a list of goals, to empower myself.” (Try saying that in the mirror.)
You can accomplish anything that you want. You can accomplish that goal without imagining that people are drinking Hater-ade in your (dis)honor. Get over yourself. No one hates you and even fewer people give a shit that you’re “doin’ it for the haters.” I was coaching a client on the importance of right-minded focus during training. I reminded her that imagining a snarling dog behind her isn’t the best motivator to run faster. Eventually, I said, “you’ll end up resenting the hypothetical dog and the run as well.” “Instead”, I encouraged, “try to imagine that you are running towards something that’s worth reaching.” Could you imagine if endurance events (marathons. duathlons, triathlons, etc.) stopped giving out medals at the end and instead gave out swift kicks in the ass at the beginning? “This is from the haters!” WHAP! “Have a good race!” Move. Move your body. Move your body towards something worth reaching. Let go of everything behind you. Celebrate the lovers in your life. The haters are only in your mind.
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